Saturday, July 27, 2013

A Beautiful Morning!

From our yard, a Russian mammoth at 12 feet tall with nearly foot wide head, newly opening

It's a cool, beautiful morning here in SE KS.  It's upper 50's/low 60's, sunny, and perfect for windows and screens open!

Today entails working outside, a run to the library, basic housekeeping, and prepping for Sunday meals and the whole family being home at some point.  For a July day, it's not to be too hot, perfect for yard work!

We have yet to hear back on the journey concerning Kevin and the residential psychiatric facility, as it is still going through the channels.  This has been left in God's hands, whatever He chooses, I shall do.  This weekend he is visiting his dad, having quality daddy time.

I hope this weekend to get to go to church, as when Kevin is home it is getting to dangerous to take him for his aggression toward others, or passive aggression in refusing to get out of the vehicle.  This has been going on since he spent 3 weeks straight with his dad, and of course they do not attend church and are rather hostile to Jesus and any worship.  So in that sense we are near back where I started with him years ago, when he was much smaller and hitting and kicking and trying hard not to be in church.  I remember well spending lots of time in the "quiet" or "sick" room with him, just outside the sanctuary and being able to see and hear the service, while tending to an agitated and upset Kevin.  I miss going to worship, listening to the message, singing the hymns, and being around other people of like faith, even if it's just for a couple of hours.  But, it is what I've heard in past messages, reading, singing, that I hold to and replay now in my head as we go day to day with Mr. Kevin and the issues he's been having.

Thank you to all who have kept our family in prayer!  We so greatly appreciate your kind thoughts and words as we walk along where the Lord would have us go.  He never said the road would be easy, but that He'd be with us along the way!

Have a wonderful weekend, my friends, and have a blessed day at the House of the Lord!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Balm in Secret Prayer (hymn)

Pray on, pray on, O trusting heart,
Let not thy courage fail;
But take thy Savior at His word,
And know thou shalt prevail.

Tho’ the cross is hard to bear,
There is balm in secret prayer;
Go and tell thy sorrows there,
And leave it all with Jesus.

What tho’ thy prayers thro’ many tears
May reach His throne on high;
He knows the anguish of thy heart,
And will not pass thee by.


Perhaps in some desponding hour,
When hope has well nigh past,
The light will burst upon thy soul,
And joy be thine at last.


Pray on, pray on, O weary not,
Whate’er thy trial be;
But lean thy faith on Him Who said,
“It shall be well with thee.”


---Fannie Crosby

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Great Is Thy Faithfulness...

I love the hymn "Great If Thy Faithfulness", how it speaks of God's great mercies each day and how He is faithful to each and every one of us.  It is a song I hold on to, based on scriptures that are even more precious.

Lam. 3:22: It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
Lam. 3:23: They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. 
Lam. 3:24:  The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. 
Lam. 3:25:  The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. 

His mercies are amazing, and I sure don't deserve them!  I've needed each and every one He's given to us this week, as we've handled Mr. Kevin and his issues with Autism, MR, and Bi Polar disorder.  

He returned home on Friday from his stay at an acute care children's psychiatric hospital.  They changed his medicines around there, and took away the one that worked fairly well with helping him keep himself in check on extreme aggression.  The staff never saw the outbursts and injuries to self and others that we did.  So they removed the one for aggression, and left him with a mood stabilizer.  It seems now that his control of his aggression has went down, and the bi-polar cycles have went into full swing, with rapid cycling daily now.  

For those not familiar with bi-polar disorder, those who show it go from super highs and a "manic" stage, with almost giddiness, extreme happiness, and other things (it can lead to lots of sexual promiscuity and gambling and other things in adults, as they feel on a "high",  not so much in an 11 year old child).  Soon after, in rapid cycling, they crash down to an absolute opposite.  For Kevin it's within a couple of hours he's went swinging from a peak crashing down to the abyss.  He goes from rapid fire kisses and tons of hugs and lovey dovey sappy happiness to a dark, raging look and fists go flying, pounding on us, himself, the floor, screaming at the top of his lungs, and much more.  We see absolute opposites in a short amount of time.  

It hurts me a lot, not knowing how to ease the feelings inside him, not knowing how to help him be able to control himself and not hurt himself and others when he cycles.  Due to his age, the doctors aren't so willing to work with more medications, as he has the body size of a small adult, and thus also takes small adult levels of medications.  When he's in the dark rage look, there's no getting through to him, it's like he's locked everyone out.  

This is not beyond God's help, and it is to Him that I keep going to for answers.  He provides them, sometimes subtly, sometimes blatantly obvious, sometimes He has us wait.

While we're swimming along in the world of autism, MR, and bi polar disorders, we are heading toward another hospitalization for Mr. Kevin.  This time, it's more than 3 days.  It's to be from 30 to 60 days, to train with behaviors, work with him, and also have us learn some ways that may well work in helping him as well.  This is a facility that specializes in children with MR.

I'll be honest, I don't like it.  I don't want to send my child away for months.  It's not easy to think about it, go through the motions of allowing it, etc.  He has a plethora of agencies who work with us for him, and each one agrees it's time, that he is no longer safe at home.  Unfortunately, I have to agree with that, he's not safe at home anymore due to his behaviors, nor can I take him to church or many other public areas due to aggression.

It is taking the strength of Jesus to let him go and seek the treatment and therapy he needs.  I don't have that kind of strength on my own.  I have no choice but to put it all at His feet, for Him to take, as I don't have the mettle to do it myself.  I can't--but He can.

He is faithful, great is His faithfulness, to mend a hurting heart, heal wounds, heal families.  He is the great Physician, He can heal Mr. Kevin in His timing.

We remain faithful to Him, even when we can't attend services due to Kevin's aggression (he did attack a deacon the last time we attempted to attend worship services).  I know Jesus will heal him in His due time, give him the peace he needs, and show him how to grow.

God knew when He gave me Kevin that the road would be hard.  Praise Him, He is there to walk down the road with us!

Great is thy faithfulness!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Crown Him With Many Crowns (hymn)

Crown Him with many crowns
The lamb upon His throne
Hark! how the heavenly anthem drowns
All music but its own!
Awake, my soul, and sing
Of Him who died for thee
And hail Him as thy matchless King
Thro all eternity.

Crown Him the Lord of love!
Behold His hands and side.
Rich wounds, yet visible above
In beauty glorified!
No angel in the sky
Can fully bear that sight
But downward bends his wondering eye
At mysteries so bright.

Crown Him the Lord of life!
Who triumphed o'er the grave
Who rose victorious to the strife 
For those He came to save
His glories now we sing
Who died and rose on high
Who died eternal life to bring
And lives that death may die

Crown Him the Lord of heaven!
On with the Father knows
One with the Spirit through Him given
From yonder glorious throne!
To Thee be endless praise,
For Thou for us hast died;
Be Thou, O Lord, through endless days
Adored and magnified.

--Matthew Bridges, George J. Elvey

Monday, July 22, 2013

He Ain't The Leavin' Kind

One of my munchkins loves country music.  So, when I can, I've been picking up cd's from the library to put onto his MP3 player, and we choose decent songs to put on there.  I ran across this one while going through a Rascal Flatts cd.

They tried their best to drag Him out of a courthouse down in Montgomery.
And now they wanna kick Him out of school.
And take Him off our money
They can take those words off of paper and stone
But He ain't gone, no

He ain't the leavin' kind
He'd never walk away
Even from those who don't believe
And wanna leave Him behind
He ain't the leavin' kind

She stayed mad at Him for a lot of years
For takin' her husband
Started losin' her faith
And thinkin' that her life meant nothing'
But when she looks at those kids she raised all by herself
She knows she had some help
Yeah she knows

He ain't the leavin' kind
He'd never walk away
Even from those who don't believe
And wanna leave Him behind
He ain't the leavin' kind

No matter what you do
No matter where go you
He's always right there with you

Even from those who don't believe
And wanna leave Him behind
He ain't the leavin' kind
No, No
He ain't the leavin' kind

O Could I Speak (HYMN)

O could I speak the matchless worth
O could I sound the glorious forth,
Which in my Saviour shine,
I'd soar and touch the heavenly strings
And vie with Gabriel while he sings
In notes almost divine,
In notes almost divine.

I'd sing the precious blood He spilt
My ransom from the dreadful guilt.
Of sin, and wrath divine;
I'd sing His glorious righteousness
In which all perfect heavenly dress
My soul shall ever shine.
My soul shall ever shine.

I'd sing the characters He bears,
And all the forms of love He wears
Exalted on His throne;
In loftiest songs of sweetest praise
I would to everlasting days
Make all His glories known,
Make all His glories known.

Well the delightful day will come
When my dear Lord will bring me home.
And I shall see His face; 
Then with my Saviour, Brother, Friend
A blest eternity I'll spend
Triumphant in His grace
Triumphant in His grace.

--Samuel Medley, Dr. Lowell Mason

Friday, July 19, 2013

When I Can Read My Title Clear (HYMN)

When I can read my title clear
To mansions in the skies
I'll bid farewell to every fear,
And wipe my weeping eyes.
And wipe my weeping eyes
And wipe my weeping eyes
I'll bid farewell to every fear 
And wipe my weeping eyes.

Should earth against my soul engage
And fiery darts be hurled
Then I can smile at Satan's  rage,
And face a frowning world,
And face a frowning world
And face a frowning world
Then I can smile at Satan's rage
And face a frowning world.

Let cares, like a wild deluge come,
And storms of sorrow fall!
May I but safely reach my home
My God, my heaven, my all.
My God, my heaven, my all,
My God, my heaven, my all,
May I but safely reach my home,
My God my heaven, my all.

There shall I bathe my weary soul
In seas of heavenly rest,
And not a wave of trouble roll,
Across my peaceful breast
Across my peaceful breast
Across my peaceful breast
And not a wave of trouble roll
Across my peaceful breast.

--Isaac Water, J. C. Lowey

Thursday, July 18, 2013

A Beautiful Life (hymn)

Each day I’ll do a golden deed,
By helping those who are in need;
My life on earth is but a span,
And so I’ll do the best I can. 

Life’s evening sun is sinking low,
A few more days, and I must go
To meet the deeds that I have done,
Where there will be no setting sun. 

To be a child of God each day,
My light must shine along the way;
I’ll sing His praise while ages roll,
And strive to help some troubled soul. 

The only life that will endure,
Is one that’s kind and good and pure;
And so for God I’ll take my stand,
Each day I’ll lend a helping hand. 

I’ll help someone in time of need,
And journey on with rapid speed;
I’ll help the sick and poor and weak,
And words of kindness to them speak.

While going down life’s weary road,
I’ll try to lift some trav’ler’s load;
I’ll try to turn the night to day,
Make flowers bloom along the way.


Peace, Peace, Wonderful Peace in the Valley of Life

Isaiah 26:3--Thou wilt keep [him] in perfect peace, [whose] mind [is] stayed [on thee]: because he trusteth in thee.

This week we had to let my Mr. Kevin (11) go to a children's psychiatric hospital in the Kansas City area.  He had been excessively aggressive, to where we had to remove the other children from the home for their safety.  He'd been extremely aggressive with his dad and stepmom during visits in the past weeks.

It had to be tended to.

With much prayer, asking the Lord to please help us with him, please show us what to do, pieces finally came together that had not fit well in the past months as his aggression escalated.  God provided the place, the means, and other items that were needed just as they were needed.

We'd discussed with him multiple times, that when he's hurting us and others, he may not be allowed to stay at home for a while, and may have to go to a hospital for kids until the doctor says he is safe to come home and be with us again.  In that time he wouldn't be able to go visit with his dad at dad's house or be able to be with me either.  We'd warned him that he can't use his fists and feet and head (headbutting) to attack us, siblings, or others.  He'd been assessed in the previous months due to aggression and determined in need for acute care, but no local place would take him due to insurance, or and impending blizzard or fast approaching tornadoes made it impossible for us to get him to the longer distance hospitals.

I followed proper procedure with his psychiatric team, and away he went to an acute care hospital.

Mr. Kevin didn't understand why he was going to Kansas City, but he sure enjoyed the trip.  He talked endlessly about the Kansas Speedway, Nascar, listened to his mp3 player, ate like a horse, and helped count down the miles on the signs as we passed them.  As far as he was concerned, his aggressive morning was long gone and forgotten, his hurting his stepbrother badly was long forgotten.  He believed we were going to Children's Mercy, where there's Nintendo DS games and lots of cheery colors and children's activities and he'd be returning home with us.

He made it through the first night, and then the middle of the first day, he was asking to come home.  It wasn't the fun and games he expected.  There were no fun electronic games he'd expected, he couldn't leave the unit, he hadn't earned enough privileges to do much of anything but on unit activities.  He was missing me and hubby, and his dad and stepmom.  We explained that the doctor would tell us when we could bring him home, that he must show good behavior and follow what the staff said, take his medicine, and do a good job.  We also explained his medicines would  be changing.

Today he began school lessons of a sort while on the unit.  A teacher from the residential side read with him, and I believe worked toward the goals of what he was doing during extended school year.  He was not thrilled, as he thought he'd be getting out of school.  Hubby and I visited with him during the evening visiting hours, and he told us how he got to go off unit and play in the gym and played basketball with the other children.  He said he watched Disney channel (we do not have cable or satellite, so this is a treat for him), and a movie about cats and dogs.  I purchased a treat for him at the vending machines (no outside food allowed), and he enjoyed it.

Then the tears started flowing.  He begged us to take him home.  He said over and over how much he missed us.  My heart broke, I didn't really *want* to leave him there.  I wanted my boy home.  Instead, I cried with him.  He hugged me tight, asked me to please take him home.  All I could say was that I'll be right there to take him home when the doctor says I can.  He didn't like that answer.  What else could I do?  

He is to be released in the coming days, as his medications are changing and he is so far responding well.  He is also seeing that we do mean it that he cannot hurt his siblings, us, his dad and stepmom, or anyone else and expect to have no consequence.  I'm hoping he will not want to return to the hospital, and will work on choosing other options we give him to avoid aggression.  I also hope the medications he comes home with will be able to take some of the edge off to where is he is able to see through the fog and collect his thoughts instead of lashing out.  

Throughout the entire time, we've been bathing the family, the staff, and others involved in prayer.  There's been peace the entire time in our decision to take him to where he is.  Yes, the visit was emotional, but that was to be expected.

Psalm 29:11--The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace.

God has taken such good care of us, providing for our needs, giving us knowledgeable staff to interact with, timing things such as each item falls into perfect place.  He has provided peace, He has taken care of the entire situation.  

Isn't God good?

I am so blessed to have a God who is knows our needs, who takes care of them, even the smallest of needs.  He takes care of the children, He tends to their special needs as well.  What would I do without Him?

How has God taken care of you and your family?  How has He blessed you?

Feel free to share with us here in the comments or on our Facebook page!  

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Finding Peace

I have to admit, it's been hectic these past 3 weeks or so.  It is of course summer vacation for our children, and hubby volunteered hours as a camp nurse using his RN license for ministry work.  We've been running to and fro, to swimming lessons, camp, errands, appointments, and also trying to keep up with household duties.

Our home is more slow paced most days, laid back and not as harried as the world outside.  A teapot is usually resting on the old gas stove top, the children play with their games and toys, the television more often than not sits in silence, and our vehicles don't move as much as others in our neighborhood.  No hurry, no rush.

Other days aren't so calm and slower paced.  Autism rears its head and brings with it chaos.  Frustrations from inability to communicate feelings bring lashing out and aggression.  Regular childhood jealousies and jockeying for position amongst the siblings enhance the effect.  Even with proper training, we have "those" days.

We still find peace, amidst the storms, by the words from Scripture.  

II Corinthians 12:9--And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me

His grace IS sufficient.  If we know Him as our personal Lord and Savior, He lives in us, and His grace is with us.  

What scripture do you lean on when your life hits the bumps and potholes along the road?  

I'll be the first to admit, we're not perfect here.  We cry, fuss, sometimes scream.  Yes, we worry, despite knowing God will take care of things.  As we grow along the way, we both worry less and less, letting go instead and giving the worries and issues to Jesus to carry.  As we grow more mature as Christians, we put more and more to prayer first, seeking Him first.  

As you face your daily trials and temptations, don't forget to go to Him in prayer.  As the hymn says, "everything to God in prayer"....we all should remember that!  Let His grace be sufficient for you!

Thursday, July 4, 2013

When The Barnyard Comes To Church

by Bishop James 'I Feel God' Brown, Victory Church, Ft. Worth, TX

Now before anyone gets upset, I need to let you know that I am not calling God's
chickens or pigs. But there is a lot of similarity between some chickens, some
pigs, and
some Christians. I will even submit to you that the actions around the barn yard
could be
a reflection of the church life of some Christians. Lets take a look at the
lessons we learn
from barn yard church.

1. Walking through the barn or the barn yard does not make you a chicken, a cow,
or a
pig. Many times we assume that everyone who comes through the church, joins or
baptized is a Christian. Nothing could further from the truth. Every farmer
knows that
he must identify those animals within his barn yard. This is a fundamental truth
barnyard doctrine.

2. The farmer feeds "his own" and has no intention of providing for any animal
which is
not his. Feral animals, left in the barnyard, will eat the food away from those
chickens, and pigs who are rightfully there. When animals who are out of place
eat all the
food, the barnyard animals will not grow as they should. This is true in church
When pastors and leaders are devoted to the goats and not the sheep, the sheep
will go

3. There are barn yard folks who only want to be spectators. Around the barn
yard there
are dogs, cats, and birds who belong there, but who will never participate in
production on
the farm. They will stand by and look, but won't give or do anything toward the
objectives of the farm. This happens a lot in churches. Some people come for the
and some won't come at all. They should be there, but they are not. They too are

4. Some of the farm residents never do more than participate. Some chickens will
give the
eggs for breakfast; some cows will give the milk for butter. The same is true at
Some members will give a little money, some will attend on Sundays', and some
even join an auxiliary, but most will not go any farther. They will never help
make up
what is truly needed. Being a participant in church does not mean that you are
committed. This truth, leads us to the next item in our rural koinonia, the
issue of

5. In order to eat breakfast, someone must meet their destiny with commitment.
Pigs and
the rest of the cows know about commitment. For the farmer to enjoy his
breakfast, these
pigs and cows must give all they have. You see, there will not be bacon or
sausage or
steak for the farmer until a pig or cow gives his or her life. The same is true
in Church.
In order for God's plans to be manifested in any church, there must be someone
willing to
live sacrificially in order to satisfy the needs of the master.

6. Healthy farm animals grow and reproduce. Every farmer knows that if he gives
livestock enough food and protects them from the weather, the natural outcome
should be
growth and reproduction. Happy farm animals will produce more healthy farm
Churches work the same way. Healthy Christians should grow spiritually and

7. Sick and hurt barn yard animals will infect others and reduce the production
of the
farm. Farmers limit the exposure that sick animals have to the rest of the
livestock. Left
alone, wounded animals will attack and inflict pain on others as a result to
their pain. A
truism in churches would be that "hurt folks, hurt folks". In other words,
people who are
hurting may hurt others around them as a result of their pain. The farmer's two
solution to this also works at church. First, limit the exposure to others who
may be
vulnerable, then apply healing liniment to the injured creature.�

8. You cannot ride on a chicken and you cannot plow with a duck. The old saying
"You can't make a silk purse from a sows ear". This truth is often lost in the
Churches often place members in jobs they should not have for reasons that are
unimportant. Churches must learn to place every member in the right job for that

9. Finally, Every farm survives on God's providence. The one thing that every
knows is that success or failure does not rest totally in his or her hands. God
with him, is one commodity that every farm must have. This is never more evident
in the life of a Church. Scripture teaches that "unless the Lord builds the
house, those who
labor - labor in vain". A commitment to God's ways and prayer is required by the
and the Christian.

Any type of success, be it spiritual, personal, or professional, will require
involvement and commitment. However, we can never assume that our projects and
planning will be enough. On the farm or in the church, it always takes God!

============ ========= ========= =========
========= ========= ====

C Copyright 2002 All Rights Reserved James M. Brown
email address: mailto:bishop@ victoryreport. com

Bishop James 'I Feel God' Brown is the founder and Sr. Pastor of Victory
Church in Fort Worth, TX. He is in demand locally and nationally as a
conference speaker, and Seminar Leader. To obtain a list of other articles send
an email
to: article_digest@ 1000churches. org or visit 1000Churches. org: Kingdom
Ministry on
the Net.