Sunday, October 11, 2015
For a year, my chosen battlefield was weight loss. I obsessed with it. I still need to work at it, and most likely always will.
But, the battlefield has changed. While weightloss is still an important thing, the battles have changed.
The field moved to involving middle child.
Middle son (13) has had a lot of problems since spring break of last school year. We didn't know what the issue was, but hoped with summer they'd decrease with school being out and relaxed schedule. We couldn't have been more wrong. Instead, they remained and increased.
With the beginning of school this August, the battle field became filled with lots of landmines. They exploded everywhere. Son didn't want to get on the bus, and got aggressive to us. We expected that, normal routine for us after a long vacation. Then it happened daily. Then the school resource officer became involved and he started pressing charges. Then we ended up in acute psychiatric care and medication changes. Then we went to truancy stage after failed IEP meetings. Now...we unofficially homeschool until an IEP meeting is successful in reintegrating son back to school.
We figured out the majority of the landmines came from use of a seclusion room and regular interactions with a school resource officer and handcuffs when he didn't want to move from his desk to go to the mainstream classroom. For the past 3 months now, since before school started, he has said he's afraid. When we ask what he's afraid of, each time he says the office's name and the room used for seclusion. He has other names for it based on what the school calls it, but he makes it very clear. Until his medication changes recently, he couldn't put the words together to say what his fear/frustration/anger/etc was. Instead, he used fists and feet. Now, we have a child who is able to speak his needs and wants, his fears and frustrations, and able to put together full sentences. When we let him speak at his own pace, it's amazing what all he can get across that normally wouldn't come out.
We found my son after years in the fog!
He is laughing again, he dances, he sings, he plays with his ninja turtles and Nascars, he works with me on some of the workbooks I purchased to work with while we await him being able to reintegrate back into school per his behavioral team's recommendations. He learned to relax. He learned if he uses his words, we will listen.
During the worst of the behaviors, I had to learn surrender. I had to let go, and be willing to place him in a long term facility if needed, for a minimum of 6 months and up to years. That took everything I had to lay him at Jesus' feet and say "I give him back to You". I had to learn to let go if I wanted to keep him. As soon as I let go, the option of the long long term placement seemed to evaporate.
We are far from the end of the battle, there are criminal charges to face that he doesn't have any understanding of but our local officials and administrators choose to use. We still await returning to school placement that is appropriate for his needs. We do not know how long until it's over, but we know who is in control all the way through.
We've grown in faith throughout everything. We've learned to draw nearer to Jesus, to depend on Him to do what only He could do. We've had to learn more patience, learn how to pray more effectively, how to at times just say "help me". Most of all, we've learned how to surrender. The hardest thing to do was learn surrender. In order to grow, surrender to His will has to come first. It takes the control away from us, and puts it where it belongs.
A blessing I had throughout this was a chance to go see War Room a few weeks ago. It really hit me, and I've been thinking a lot about it. Hubby purchased the Battle Plan for Prayer book and the War Room book, and they came in on Saturday. I've started working my way through the Battle Plan, slowly, one verse at a time. That movie has been a big blessing to me, and I highly recommend it to you!
You see...we are in a battle here in our home....we're in a battle to keep our family together. God is the creator of the family, and the devil loves to destroy what the Lord puts together. The devil has worked at me, and at one point almost got me to where I was in a deep depression when I truly believed I would have to let my son go live at a hospital for up to years. I couldn't handle it, not on my own. Not until I surrendered him back to Jesus. The devil tried hard to break us apart, and still is, one member at a time. He worked at my stability and I came back with stronger faith and dependence on the Lord. He worked on my son, and he is coming back. He has worked on our other kids, and they've bounced back. He's used outside agencies beyond the school to try to break us apart, and so far the Lord has protected.
Something I've learned along the way so far....whatever comes from all the happenings...whether it is good or bad...to God be the glory! He has a reason for everything, He has perfect timing, and He is still on the throne.
I imagine the tone of my blog will turn to a different avenue than what it has been over the past year. This isn't surprising as our world here at home has changed. Maybe what we are learning, you may be able to use in your own life. If not, maybe someone else can use our experience. Either way, God has a reason....
Take care and God bless!
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