I know, no excuses. We control what we put in our mouths, we control how often we exercise our bodies. I didn't control myself very well while dealing with issues with the children that really drained more than I realized.
I went down, but I'm not out.
This past week involved not one, but two incidents with middle child that brought in law enforcement to help. I had to call them myself, as his aggression got out of hand, once at home, once in public. He doesn't communicate his feelings well--that happens with autism and mental retardation--and instead when he's very upset tends to use a fist or foot to let loose. My husband and I have worked with him for many years to try to get him to use words instead, and more often than not he can successfully do so. But, since his last visit with dad, who has a rather chaotic home life, he has deteriorated. Our other two children have not been the easiest to manage these past weeks either, and with them combined together, and then add in other stress that comes with being in the "sandwich generation", we get drained. There's stacks of paperwork, phone calls that seem to keep our line busy most of the day, faxes that are done nearly daily, emails on progress or lack of, visits from agencies who work with the kids, and then the daily household needs of meals, cleaning, animal tending (cats and a dog, but 2 cats when determined they want your attention turn into a herd), and so on. Individually all of those are not stressing, but when put all together into one big ball, it's stress.
I got tired.
One evening when middle child had to be carried out of church this week, I sat down on the couch and let the tears flow. I'd had my limit. I told God I couldn't take anymore. I wasn't strong enough to carry the load.
Many friends and family prayed, and I felt better. I felt strength returning, where I could physically move and not want to camp out under a blanket and hide. I even made it out to the little store here in town and purchased a calendar that was on clearance. It has Psalms for each month. For February, it has Psalm 28:7.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.
The Lord knew I needed that right then. So that calendar sits above my work table in the kitchen, so that I see it easily and am reminded that He is my strength.
Friends online have encouraged me to not give up, to not let my slip become a full slide down the hill. I have needed that encouragement, as it feels very easy to go back to old ways--it is easy to slip and just keep slipping.
Sunday Pastor talked about how satan loves the defeated Christian. I don't want satan happy with how I am. I refuse to feel defeated, overwhelmed, and down for the count. I let satan have a moment's hold, and that was a moment too long.
So, this is a new week and a chance to begin afresh. I'm already on target for the week on exercise. I start the counting on Sundays. Eating, well, it's been worse, it's been better. I made a fresh pot of soup, have some salad prepped in the fridge to take to work with me, plenty of fresh fruit in the fridge and in a bowl on the table to grab and go. There's lean meats prepared to use whenever needed. The tea stash is still plentiful, and I browsed the Bigelow tea site and definitely saw some that drew my interest--seriously, they have chocolate tea!!!
So, things are looking up--chocolate without the calories!! God sure knows how to make my day!!
How are you doing on your journey?
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