Sunday, January 25, 2015

Don't Hide!

Today I learned something I should have learned a long time ago.

You see, I've been big pretty well most of my life.  Fat is nothing new to me.  I'm not remotely skinny now, but I'm not nearly as large as I was.

Throughout my life I've hidden away.  In childhood I hid from activities because I was too fat.  I was embarrassed by my size, by my inability to do sports, by my lack of physical beauty.  In my young adult years I hid from dating, from being out and around others my age because of my size.  As a parent, I've hidden away from my children's activities at school and away from school for fear I wouldn't fit in the seat, or that I'd embarrass them (or myself) because of my size.  I heard about other kids making fun of mine because mom is fat, and I wanted to cry.

I quit going out and about much even with hubby because I was too fat to fit into booths at restaurants, into seats in the movies and just about any other place with seating.  I was embarrassed of my size.

I gave up on going out much.  My sin of gluttony, my fat, my fears and embarrassment ruled.

Today, we went out as a family to a local restaurant as a treat for the kids.  I dreaded the booths as I was always the one who had fat hanging over the top of the table and was basically wedged in.  I was not looking forward to this adventure, I completely expected to be stuck in the booth yet again.

Today, I slid in beside my children, and I had at least 4 inches between myself and the table.  For the first time in 15 years, I did not get stuck in the booth seats.  I also saw myself in the mirrors, and saw myself as I currently look and SAW myself.  The body image is starting to catch up to the physical body.

Tonight, I cry thinking of all the things I chose not to do, I hid away from, for embarrassment due to my weight.  How much I have missed out on because I chose food first.  I let my sin take away so much.

No more!

I refuse to hide away.  I refuse to be embarrassed of my size.  I refuse to let sin and the devil take any more of my life.  My soul belongs to the Lord, but I'd let the devil get to me, tell me I'm not good enough, tell me I'm not worthy of being around others, that I'm hideous, that I'm worthless.  I believed it.

No more!

If you're in this position, know that you ARE worthy!  You are a child of God and no matter how you look, you are the apple of His eye!  Jesus loves you no matter if you are a size 00 or a 40.

And I do too!

Shared with Darling Downs Diaries, Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy Is Mine, Beauty in His Grip, My Joy Filled Life, Teaching What Is Good, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, So Much At Home





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15 comments:

  1. Oh I can so relate to this, thank you for sharing something that has been on my heart for a long time. You are such a blessing to me as I face my own issues as you face yours. Thank you for the reminder that God loves us no matter who we are. Blessings

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    1. If you have time I would love it if you could link this up at Good Morning Mondays, I was so blessed by this I know others will be. Love to you xxx

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    2. Thank you Terri! I'm glad my journey is helpful to someone! :) Your encouragement is wonderful, and I'm very grateful for it. :)

      And I have been over to your site. I've been up since 5am so I had some moments before waking the family to get some things done online. I like that nice quiet time with a cup of hot tea. :)

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  2. Amen! I saw your picture a few posts back & thought you look quite lovely in red. I also thought you have a very sweet hubby who offered to assist you in looking for skirts. We are so blessed by the Lord who looks at the heart, not judging by appearance! Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia

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    1. Thank you Cynthia! :) I appreciate that a lot! Hubby has really started taking interest in my clothing as I drop off size. In the past he has purchased fabrics for me to make dresses, and I still have those dresses--they fit like they're supposed to now instead of like a second skin from the waist up.

      And yes, we are blessed that our Lord doesn't care about what the tag says, He cares about what is in the heart! :)

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    2. Thanks Angie for linking up. Love and blessings to you xxx

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  3. Wow, this is wonderful encouragement Angie! Thank you for sharing this on the Art of Home-Making Mondays. It started off quite sad and ended quite victoriously!!! :)

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    1. Thank you! Yes, it started out sad, but lesson learned, and no more hiding from the outside world! There's a life to live and can't live it hiding behind layers of flab and fat. It's hard to be a light when you're keeping the candle hidden!

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  4. Beautiful words shared Angie!! It can be so easy to hide...not just for our weight, but for so many things we may feel ashamed of.
    I appreciate you sharing on our weekly link up (Mom 2 Mom) & hope you join us again :)

    Rachael @ Diamonds in the Rough

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    1. Thank you for your kind words! It really is easy to hide out from life, but if we do that, then we miss out on so much.

      Thank you for stopping by!

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  5. Beautiful post! I am so happy for you.
    God bless.
    Chris
    So Much At Home

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  6. Good morning! Thank you for sharing on the Art of Home-Making Mondays last week! This post has been *featured* today on our blog. We would love for you to share again this week! Happy Monday to you! :)

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  7. God bless you! I'm very happy for you. I've shared some of the same feelings.

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  8. What a beautifully written post. My past and weight issues are probably very similar to your own and I so related to a lot of what you are saying. While I am still trying to loose weight a number of circumstances make actual weight loss difficult. I've come to focus more on being healthy and having energy etc. If I am constantly tired I'm no use to my husband or family. And even though I'm still very self conscious of my weight in public I know I can't let it stop me enjoying life and my family. later this year we are going on a cruise to New Caledonia and I'm determined to join in as much as possible. I don't want to be remembered as the Mum who sat on the side lines looking slightly uncomfortable. Good luck with your continued weight loss.

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Your graceful comments are welcome!