Thursday, October 23, 2014

Battling the Desire to Eat Way Too Much

The past 2 months, since September 4th, 2014, I've been tackling the gluttony issue.  It started with an admission, to God and to the world, of my sin.  It's not like it couldn't be seen--it's rather hard to hide 401 pounds no matter how "well" you carry weight.  As is the case with many many folks, even when the sin is glaringly evident, it still takes admission and a willingness to repent and start anew.

To follow the past 2 months of the journey, click either the top "weight loss challenge" page or the big picture at the right hand side.

As my body has adjusted to the Victoza shot, the nausea has subsided, and the old haunting desire to eat has resurfaced.  It'd waned a bit during the nausea days, as who really wants to eat when they're constantly vomiting due to bodily reaction to medicine?  Now that I've adjusted to the having Victoza on board daily, the emotional desire to eat eat eat eat came back like a roaring lion.

Roaring lion.  Where have we heard that before?

I start the day well, with dark roast coffee and sugar free flavored creamers.  Yes, I use Splenda based products to replace sugar.  Honey, molasses, and others will spike my glucose.  I've grown Stevia, and purchased it commercially powdered, and it's not my cup of tea.  Then, I eat a breakfast of either old fashioned rolled oats or cream of wheat (both by serving size on the container) with fresh fruit--an apple, pear, blueberries, whatever is in the fridge, sweetened with Splenda, a splash of milk, and a cup of tea.

For lunch, It's usually a one slice sandwich of peanut butter (using the serving size recommended) or deli ham on homemade bread or purchased whole grain.  Sometimes it's a big bowl of homemade veggie soup with bone broth and tomato juice base and a piece of fruit.  

Supper is generally a big bowl of homemade soup with raw veggies or fruit on the side, or a single slice sandwich similar to lunch.  One night I made grilled cheese for everyone and had one myself along side my soup.  Another night I baked some fish for hubby and had a small serving.  I've made small baked potatoes and enjoyed one with a tablespoon or so of french onion dip and a teaspoon of butter.  Mostly my main portion is the soup I've made previously so all I have to do is pull it out of the fridge and heat.

Snacks are raw fruit, raw veggies, and lately popcorn popped in a drizzle of olive oil in the Stir Crazy popper, topped with the little shaker seasonings.  I sip on coffee, herbal and black teas, and a little water throughout the day.

Now, don't get me wrong, I've had a not so good snack here and there--a portion of ice cream, a serving of cookies, Doritos with the kids, a candy bar.  I've tried to stay within the serving sizes and add the calorie count to my mental count of the day's calories.  It doesn't always happen, but I try.

My lion comes to prowl after supper.  This is the time when I'm doing dishes up for the day, putting away food the family didn't finish up, winding down, getting the kids' night routine in order, and so on.  As it gets darker, the more I want to park with a snack.  I've tried herbal tea instead, and spent half the night in the bathroom.  I'm sure you understand why.  I've tried raw carrots and fruits.  It's just not the satisfaction I'd been used to previously.  My lion growls and pounces, and I've given in to it's demands occasionally.  My lion enjoys the sweet, the savory, the rich.

This lion needs to get back in it's cage!

I feel most evenings like the circus lion tamer, cracking the whip and working hard at keeping the beast under control, hearing the roar and dodging the swipe of the extended claws.  It roars loudly, it tells me what it wants, and that it wants it NOW.

It's up to me to listen to it or keep it in its cage.

The first month, I ignored it, mostly because listening to it made me vomit.  Now, I have to deal with the lion head on.

I'm *not* hungry at night.  I have no reason to eat after supper.  It's emotional eating.  It's a means to satiate an internal desire that doesn't relate to the need for food.  It's a comfort measure.

And it's not very comforting anymore.

For me, and possibly others, emotional eating is a way to fill a gap, comfort a hurting heart, get a rush from sugar and carbs that need to come from somewhere else other than food.

Like the Lord.

So my goal is to keep the lion in the cage, and pray fervently when the desire to eat when hunger isn't there sneaks up and tries to pounce.  You'd think it'd be a no brainer, but when you have eaten from emotional desires most of your life, retraining is harder than you think.  With Christ it can be done, and will.

To God be the glory, let His will be done, let His grace and mercy show through relying on Him to get through the rough patches along the journey.  Even if it's just a prayer to keep from picking up the cookie.






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2 comments:

  1. I'll try to remember to pray for you especially at night Angie. I have that tendency as well...to snack & blow my low calorie count for the day! Satan roars like a lion, seeking whom he may devour...Father, give us the strength to RESIST him! in Jesus' mighty name, amen

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your prayers. :) I don't know if I could do a low cal count, I'm hanging in about 1200 to 1400 most days and that seems pretty good, below that it's a disaster in my world.

      I'll be praying for you as you continue on your journey! It's a marathon, rather than a sprint, so endurance is the key, getting up when we fall down, and keeping on keeping on!

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